Wow, the photo above shows me at a proud moment, as I took my last pill for depression. The irony is that I wasn’t out of the woods just yet as far as depression symptoms were concerned. In fact, I would later commit myself to the local hospital psych ward as a result of studying ways to end my life once and for all, and spiraling into oblivion through Adult ADHD patterns of behaviour that have really screwed things up in my life at times. From a brief stay in jail in 1999 to sabotaging my applications with companies, I have”gotten in my own way” on numerous occasions, and only now am I learning to stop the destructive patterns!
I would “harass” Human Resources people (recruiters) by calling in too much to check on my prior applications, and I simply could not stop! Why, you ask? Because I’m a very driven, very motivated guy. However, I know all too well just how reckless that behaviour can be, since I have squandered potential career positions with more than one company as a result of not letting the process run its course, and checking in too damn much. My wife told me several times NOT to do it, but would I stop? No….an”innocent” call just to check in would turn into annoying the recruiter, and knowing I had done so, I would say “screw it – I burned the bridge anyway, why not just call again!” since my mind would be racing at that point. Jesus, it’s been hard to live through. I also had to let go of a mission I’ve been on for many years, but that’s another story, and it’s all explained in my up-coming inspirational Adult ADHD memoir entitled Success By Choice: A Story of ADHD, Depression and Determination.
The point to this post is that Adult ADHD minds often race, and the results can easily be devastating! I had someone on Twitter ask why I’m so “negative” about ADHD, and I replied by letting her know that I love certain aspects of the condition, but the potential for self-destruction in any number of forms is always there as well! The key is to keep an eye on our behaviours every single day, one day at a time, I’m finding. Every now and then I catch myself racing too far ahead in my mind about something, and I have to purposely go and take a breath and calm the heck down. Life will work itself out, and I don’t have control over everything.
To those with Adult ADHD, and to those affected by us, thank you for being patient and strong! The positive aspects are indeed a gift. Nothing worth while was ever easy.