By Jeff Emmerson
This is a fitting post, since as a boy, I idolized a few wrestlers and bodybuilders, and The Ultimate Warrior was my favorite wrestler, since he inspired me very deeply with his mannerisms, his insane intensity, and his resolve to achieve his OWN dreams in life – no one else’s. He had the guts to live on his terms, an absolute leader and amazing mentor for kids out there. He died on April 8th at the age of 54, while walking out of a hotel with his wife, apparently. Tonight, the WWE has a tribute show to who he was, and the man he was, as well.
The word “warrior” is one I’ve always identified with – I’ve always been a dreamer, a driven young man, someone who just saw life differently than the average person in a way. Not trying to stroke my own ego, I’ve simply had a fiercely burning “fire” inside me for my entire life, and I’m like a locomotive engine for living a life of true purpose, vision and positivity. Despite screwing up as a man in my very, very early twenties, I knew I had to prove myself, even if it meant being a martyr of sorts and dying to do it with the Canadian Army, though I was then refused entry with them after my credit report wasn’t very good way back in 2001. Things have changed, yet the fire is now stronger than ever, but it’s accompanied by wisdom, invaluable experience, and just a little bit of tact. Who knew?
Now and then I’ll drive by the spot where the Waterloo Detention Centre stood in Cambridge, Ontario, Canada, and remember being brought in by the prisoner cube van, and having my world in severe trauma and limbo. Jesus, that still inspires me to leave a legacy of absolutely kicking ass with inspiring others, making amends, forgiving myself, and savoring this life as a true form of victory!
My fellow adult ADHD warriors, YOU can do this in your own way, with what is true for YOU. Damn it, I mean it! I don’t care what challenge you’re facing, even if you’re about to contemplate suicide, like I was, or try it, like I did – THERE IS MORE for you right around the corner. Thank God I got the hell into the emergency room! I didn’t want to die deep down – YES, I felt like it, but DEEP down, I knew that there just might be a way that experts could help me, and even if it would take time, killing myself was PERMANENT. No coming back – FUCK THAT, I am a warrior inside, even if it kills me……….I can’t go like this, by my OWN hand – NOOOOO! Everything I’ve ever dreamed of, believed in, smiled at, loved and imagined would all be GONE, and I would murder my loved ones, whether it was one person, a friend, a pet, whoever!
NO – There IS more for you, like there sure as hell is for me….Just look at all I’m doing now! One baby step at a time, from the darkest depths of needing someone else to take care of us (I fricken had enough – I needed help!), to re-gaining strength one second, one hour at a time through support from nurses, doctors, and other patients who do care so very much…….God, do we care!!!
Damn it. I lost my brother, so I know how suicide kills a part of all of us – NOOOO! My legacy will NOT be that! I don’t f’ing care how hard I need to fight: I WILL build the strength of a freight train again, I thought to myself, but only very gently during my first days in the psych ward – and here I am today, an absolute monster of positivity, a beacon of light for those like me who are true warriors, but are also fighting the strongest of opponents: mental health challenges.
GOD, NO!! CHOOSE to give in, wave the white flag, but to WIN your war! I’m telling you as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow – I’m f’ing telling you, and I don’t care if people think I’m swearing a lot, or crazy, or whatever else – they simply don’t get it. Those of us who truly “see” GET IT, and that is ALL that matters.
I see you, Warrior. You may feel weak, frail, in despair, lost, and like a fucking mess, but THAT is where your new journey begins, and with all my heart and soul I PROMISE you that you have it in you to not only survive, but inspire millions yourself! Just start SLOW, one dream at a time, whatever the heck it is. You don’t need to inspire millions “out there.” Just be yourself, and you will make a difference. That is ALL you need to do: be true to you. The rest will take care of itself. When you hit challenges and tough times, people like me will be here to listen, to support you, reminding you of how far you’ve already come! THAT is how you do what I did – survive, let others help you get your life back, then once you’re standing on your own, take it one day at a time, through whatever comes, knowing you’re unstoppable after all you’ve been through.
I PROMISE YOU – THIS WORKS. Just take it one second at a time right now. Let the warrior inside you allow you to stay alive, to regain your strength and purpose, and watch, my friend…..just watch what happens.
I’d reach through this damn internet to touch you with my energy and purpose if I could. No bullshit here. This saved my life, baby step by baby step. It DOES change your life when you choose to stay true to your dreams no matter what! Look at my face in today’s photo…..Really look. LOOK. My eyes say it all. They are reaching out to you.